i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
