he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
