Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
