How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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