At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
