is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
