Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
