Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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