I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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