dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
