I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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