I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
