Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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