yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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