Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
