I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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