He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
