so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
