Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
did i walk over a car last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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