I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
