btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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