Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
