Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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