I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
