I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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