I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
