He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
