I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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