I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
