So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did i walk over a car last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
so much tequila, so little girl.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
