I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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