Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
