So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
