if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she looked like the before picture.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
