I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like eating out sand paper
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
