I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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