It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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