My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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