This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
