Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
