Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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