She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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