So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
