I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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