I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
