i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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