I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
