And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
porn star boner night. come get it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
