I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
