I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
