I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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