apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
