Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize