there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
