phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
