I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
