So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize