She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
