so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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