dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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