i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
