I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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