I'm eating all of the evidence.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
