i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
