Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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