Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
