my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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