I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
