I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
