Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
