So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
