Non-Jews are for practice
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
