im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
