I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
