When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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